The Device Dilemma: A Therapist, a Mom, and Why I'm Concerned About Screens

I see it everywhere.

A portrait that consumes our everyday lives.

At restaurants. At hockey rinks (sporting events). In waiting rooms. In grocery store lines.

Adults scrolling. Teenagers glued to their phones. Even young children, completely mesmerized by iPads.

And as a therapist, I worry about it...all the time!

Listen, I get it. Technology is part of our life. Schools are giving kids Chromebooks. Parents are busy. Sometimes we need ten minutes to cook dinner, answer an email, or simply catch our breath. Believe me, I've been there!

When my son was four years old, "Mommy needs a break" time led to handing him my iPad. After all, he was just watching YouTube Kids with "The Wheels on the Bus" blaring every ten minutes or so.

What could go wrong?

As it turns out, quite a bit.

When I would take the device away from him after about thirty minutes, the meltdowns that followed were epic. I'm talking screaming, flailing, and emotions that seemed wildly out of proportion.

Something about this didn't feel right.

After a bit I decided to kibosh the whole iPad thing. 

At the time, I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know exactly what. Years later, research began confirming what I had sensed during that time. Excessive screen use, especially in younger children, can affect attention, emotional regulation, sleep, and overall mental health. And for children with ADHD or other forms of neurodiversity, the pull can be even stronger.

Why?

Because screens provide exactly what the ADHD brain craves:

• Constant stimulation

• Instant rewards

• Endless novelty

• Fast-paced information

• Lots and lots of dopamine

No wonder it's hard to put the device down.

And honestly?

It's not just kids.

Have you ever picked up your phone to answer one text and somehow found yourself twenty minutes later watching videos about organizing your pantry or learning the history of the Titanic?

Our brains simply weren't designed for this level of stimulation, yet, here we are!

So What Do We Do?

We don't panic.

We don't throw our phones into the ocean.

And we don't shame ourselves as parents.

But we do become intentional. Here are some things we can do:

Hold off as long as possible.

Children do not need smartphones in elementary school. Babies don't need iPads. Delaying access isn't deprivation. It's protection.

Set limits and follow through.

Boundaries matter. If devices are being misused, consequences should be consistent. Meaning that if your child is being irresponsible with their devices, there should be clear cut consequences.

Encourage boredom.

Yes, you heard that right! Boredom!

Why? Because boredom creates imagination.

It encourages creativity.

It leads to building forts, drawing pictures, inventing games, and discovering interests. 

So the next time your child says, "I'm bored," resist the urge to solve it immediately.

Be mindful of highly stimulating games.

Many children, especially those with ADHD, can become intensely focused on games like Roblox and Minecraft. Stay away or limit these games as they can become addictive.

Delay social media.

Personally, I would love to see social media delayed until at least age sixteen. If I had my way, eighteen would be better. The teenage brain is still developing, and social media asks children to navigate adult-sized pressures before they are emotionally and cognitively ready.

Look at your own screen habits.

This one hurts.

Because our children are watching us too.

How often are we on our phones when they're talking to us?

How often are we checking notifications instead of making eye contact?

And trust me, I struggle with this too. I use my phone for work and to stay connected with friends. But I'm okay with my children calling me out when I'm distracted by it!

In fact, sometimes we have device-free Sundays. And honestly? Those are some of our best days.

Technology Isn't the Enemy

I'm not anti-technology.

Technology is incredible.

It connects us. It teaches us. It makes life easier in countless ways. But like anything powerful, it requires wisdom. Because our children only get one childhood. And in a world that is constantly competing for their attention, perhaps one of the greatest gifts we can give them is something increasingly rare:

A chance to be bored.

A chance to play.

A chance to imagine.

And a chance to discover who they are without a screen telling them who they should be.

Monica Wells, LMHC is an anxiety and ADHD therapist who helps children, teens, and young adults understand their brains, build confidence, and step into their strengths. She provides individual therapy, group therapy, and parent workshops through The Social Mind Counseling.