AI, Anxiety, and Why Our Kids Need to Learn to Be Uncomfortable

By: Monica Wells, LMHC, Anxiety and ADHD Specialist

Last week, our school district hosted a conversation about technology. A program called Don't Press Send had made its way into our schools, focusing on helping children become more mindful and responsible technology users. As parents, we were encouraged to think about how we can support our kids in making healthy choices online.

Eventually, the conversation shifted to Artificial Intelligence (AI) and the potential concerns around children using it to ask questions, seek advice, or even solve problems.

Now, let me be clear: I think AI is an powerful and helpful tool. I've use it. Many adults use it. And let's be honest, most kids are much more technologically savvy than we are! They're using it to write stories, brainstorm ideas, answer questions, and sometimes simply because they're curious.

But something about the conversation really stuck with me.

As humans, especially those of us who struggle with anxiety or ADHD, we naturally seek reassurance. We want certainty. We want relief from uncomfortable feelings. Technology, AI, chatbots, and instant access to answers can provide that relief almost immediately.

The discussion eventually turned to responsibility.

One example involved a child forgetting something at school and immediately texting a parent to rescue them. The presenter shared a story about her own child forgetting their shoes and how uncomfortable it felt to let them experience the consequences.

I immediately thought, I know that feeling.

That pit in your stomach.

That voice in your head saying, What kind of parent am I if I don't fix this?

My daughter recently forgot her reading material for school. She cried the entire drive there, begging me to turn around and get it. For a moment, I considered it. I could have gone back. But doing so would have made us late for school.

As I sat there wrestling with my own discomfort about the incident, a young adult in the audience asked a question about using AI or chatbots responsibly to help comfort children when they're upset or uncomfortable, especially if their parents aren't around.

And that's when something clicked for me.

Listen, I hate watching my children struggle. Every parent does!

Years ago, my son would cry for hours when things didn't go his way. My instinct was to fix it for him. To comfort him. To distract him. To replace whatever he was upset about with something else.

What I wasn't doing, was validating his feelings.

Once I started saying things like, "I know. This is really hard," or "I get it. That stinks," something changed, for the both of us!

He learned that it was okay to be upset.

The crying didn't disappear completely, but it stopped lasting for hours. He no longer needed someone to immediately remove his discomfort. He learned he could survive it.

That's the lesson.

Not that children should suffer.

Not that we shouldn't support them.

But that they need opportunities to experience uncomfortable emotions and discover that they can handle them and the circumstances!

"I get it. That stinks." works a lot better than "You shouldn't be upset."

What struck me most about the AI discussion was how quickly we sometimes jump to eliminating discomfort altogether. The question wasn't, "How do we help children cope?" It was closer to, "How do we make sure they don't have to feel uncomfortable?"

But discomfort is part of being human.

Disappointment is part of being human.

Forgetting your book. Making a mistake. Feeling embarrassed. Being anxious. Being frustrated. These experiences are not signs that something is wrong. They're opportunities to build resilience!

One day, our children will leave our homes. They won't always have us sitting next to them. They won't always have a teacher, therapist, chatbot, or parent available 24 hours a day.

What they need is confidence in their own ability to handle life's challenges.

As a therapist, my goal is never for a child, a teen, or a young adult, to need me forever. In fact, it's the opposite.

If my client is feeling less anxious, more confident, and more capable, I want them out in the world! I want them making friends, taking risks, trying new things, making mistakes, and learning from them.

I want them living!

AI can be a powerful tool. It can teach, organize, brainstorm, and support learning. But it should never become a substitute for developing confidence in ourselves.

If you're using AI primarily for reassurance, pause and ask yourself "why?"

The goal isn't to feel better every single time discomfort shows up.

The goal is to learn that you can handle discomfort when it does. And the same is true for our children.

They are more capable than they realize.

And honestly?

So are we!

Monica Wells, LMHC, is an anxiety and ADHD specialist in Cold Spring Harbor who helps children, teens, and young adults better understand how their brains work, embrace their strengths, and build the confidence to thrive. She offers individual therapy, group therapy, parent workshops, and community presentations focused on practical skills, resilience, and growth.